PERFECTIONISM AND CONTROL ISSUES

Perfectionists are often too focused on striving to be perfect and doing things perfectly to realise that the real issue lies much deeper inside. Perfectionists feel deeply imperfect themselves and so strive to make everything about themselves and what they do perfect. They believe that by trying to be perfect and do things perfectly that this will make up for their inner sense of inadequacy and low self-worth. Perfectionists often overwhelm themselves with high expectations to achieve because they believe that in achieving these goals and desires they will experience relief from the inner feelings of low self-worth and inadequacy. The pleasure and joy they do feel when achieving something is however only short-lived and temporary and they are immediately planning ahead for the next challenge. What they do achieve is often not good enough because they feel not good enough. They often set goals that are unobtainable where the standard can never be reached because they keep moving the bar higher and higher. They therefore never get to experience success and so never feel content or satisfied. Feeling like a failure is a feeling they are most familiar with. The burden of meeting these consistently high expectations places so much pressure on themselves, that they are often stressed and anxious. When they don’t achieve to the level they expect or even fail at something, they often take it very hard. They feel failure more deeply than most, often to the extent that they feel there is some defect within them and often beat themselves up for it, making themselves feel even more depressed. Their self-worth is therefore often very dependent upon external achievements and rewards. Perfectionists often suffer from emotional overwhelm, cycles of emotional highs and lows, anxiety, stress, adrenal fatigue, and depression from trying to be perfect. They find it very difficult to relax and live in the moment and experience joy.

Perfectionism does have some very positive benefits such as good time management, the setting of goals and having high standards. However, the stress and pressure that perfectionists place on themselves often outweighs these positive benefits. In the constant pursuit of self-imposed high standards, perfectionists are often highly self-critical and judge their self-worth on their ability to meet these inflexibly high standards. Perfectionists are often rigid and inflexible in their planning, becoming very stressed and anxious if they fear their goals won’t be achieved. They invest a large amount of their self-worth on meeting consistently high expectations and tend to be highly critical of themselves when they don’t meet their standards. They often minimise their success and any accomplishments and negatively compare themselves to others even when they do achieve their goals.

Here at Harmony Hypnosis we will help you identify and understand the underlying psychological patterns causing your perfectionism. We will help you to become more aware of the connection between your patterns of thinking and your behaviour and how these affect your emotional states. We will work together to transform any disempowering beliefs and negative thinking patterns so that you can live a more balanced, joyful and fulfilling life.